:worth:

I am just going to jump right in….lately I have been working a lot on this thought of “worth” I know I have talked about this before. In the past few weeks I have re-dedicated myself to the exercise and health “game”. I know I shouldn’t call it that but for me that is what it seems to be. I play a game with myself, I do it for a little while usually throwing myself into it like 150% and then something happens and I fade from it. Making all sorts of excuses to others and to myself….I say excuses but really they are just lies. So has something changed this time? Not really….but there is more awareness of a feeling.
In the past I couldn’t really figure out why I would let myself get off track and make those “excuses” to myself. I am a pretty strong person and normally can stand up for myself on all other aspects. So why couldn’t I stand up for myself on this one? My own health? It comes down to one thing; I don’t feel worthy. My extra pounds are safe, they are the ones that I have relied on all these years. They are the pounds that were put on when someone told me I wasn’t good enough in their eyes. They have always been there for me. It may sound totally ridiculous but for someone who has dealt with this her whole life and has some pretty deep hurt it makes perfect sense. So now what?
It takes time to break these old patterns. Heck it took me a couple of years just figuring out this was the issue! So now I have to overcome that feeling….that I am worthy. Interestingly enough this weekend at church we are talking about self-image…and by the way if you think that this topic just randomly popped up you don’t know God’s sense of humor 🙂 One thing that stuck out with me….Change the thinking from “What do Others think about You” to “What does GOD think about You”….see God doesn’t make junk. He knows we are all beautiful.
What’s funny is that I am able to preach this more than I believe it for my own self. There is someone at work who is so hard on herself. She calls herself an idiot, constantly apologizes for things when nothing is wrong. I tell her all the time you need to stop doing this to yourself it isn’t positive, you are being so mean to yourself. There is someone else that I know that lately is going through a really tough time, he is having a really hard time seeing anything past the pit he is in. So he is not exactly choosing the right paths. I send him a simple text though out the day sometimes.. “you are worth more” and I usually put in caps. This past week when I have been doing or saying these things to others it has hit me that while I am saying these things to others I am not saying them or thinking them for myself!
So going forward I have to challenge myself to listen to my own advice. I am worthy enough to get healthy! To lose these extra pounds that have basically just been hiding the hurt all these years. I am stronger than that hurt now, I am working past that hurt and it doesn’t need to control me anymore. I WANT to be healthy and live a different life. God sees me as worthy and beautiful.