Health · Life

:a devil on my back:

I have never really been shy about talking about my struggles with anxiety and depression. I see both a psychiatrist and a therapist for these issues. Honestly, I would suggest this to anyone who is struggling and no one should ever should have any shame in it.

With that being said it has been awhile since I have given an “update” as to where I am. While I love the people who I see, it would be nice at some point not to have to see them as often šŸ™‚ The last year I have really buckled down in therapy and addressed some specific areas in my life that I wanted to tackle. Some I have been able to “mark off my list” so to speak but others are still lingering. It seems like those are the ones that we continue to talk about and the saying seems to be true “same shit, different day”. So then you have to look at why can’t I delve deeper into that issue.

The main issue that has been plaguing me is my weight and my lifestyle surrounding it. Everything including eating, exercise, sleep habits…all of it. Ever since I have started seeing my therapist it has been a roller coaster ride and I am ready to be off this ride once and for all. The problem is that while you may be physically ready to do something, the emotional side has to be ready to otherwise there is failure. That is the part that has been blocking me; breaking free of the emotional ties. So the question then becomes what is holding me back emotionally? We have certainly talked about what has worked and what hasn’t when it comes to making a lifestyle change in the past. The problem is that it really has nothing to do with the lifestyle change itself and has everything to do with deep stuff that has been rooted in me. It also has to do with motivation which in the past 6-8 months I have had none of to tackle this. So in comes my psychiatrist so that we can talk about meds. I haven basically been on the same meds for 6 years and they have done well to balance me out but medications actually after some time can lose effectiveness in a person’s body and it seems this is what has happened with me. So we started trying some new things and have seemed to find one that so far has not had any negative side effects and has started to give me a little bit more of a boost. I still need to be on it for another couple of weeks to see the full effect but so far so good. I am really hoping that with these new meds and continuing to work on this in therapy that I can get this final “devil off my back”

I was listening to some music the other day and this song came on…..made me think a lot about this post and this challenge. You know I how I love music as a form of therapy too!!

Here are the full lyrics because I think it’s even more awesome just reading them:

Regrets collect like old friends Here to relive your darkest moments I can see no way, I can see no way And all of the ghouls come out to play And every demon wants his pound of flesh But I like to keep some things to myself I like to keep my issues drawn It’s always darkest before the dawn
And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind I can never leave the past behind I can see no way, I can see no way I’m always dragging that horse around All of his questions such a mournful sound Tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground So I like to keep my issues drawn But it’s always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah! Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaaah! And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh woah!
And, I am done with my graceless heart So tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart Cause I like to keep my issues drawn It’s always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah! Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah! And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh woah! And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back so shake him off
And given half the chance would I take any of it back It’s a fine romance but its left me so undone It’s always darkest before the dawn
Oh woah, oh woah!.
And I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t So here’s to drinks in the dark at the end of my road And I’m ready to suffer and I’m ready to hope It’s a shot in the dark and right at my throat Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me Looking for heaven, found the devil in me Well what the hell I’m gonna let it happen to me
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah! Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah! And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh woah!
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah! Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah! And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh woah!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s