Sometimes you move along and you think you are doing ok with a goal. Maybe you kind of give this illusion to yourself that what you are doing is enough when deep down inside you know it’s not. That is where I am at right now with my health/weight, earlier in the year I had recommitted myself and started taking steps towards change. While those changes are still around, some of them have been stretched and I have been lax in others. So I had somewhat of an “a-ha” moment at the gym this past week with my trainer. We were in the middle of a my workout when another one of his clients walked by and he said hello and she said hey, she was excited because she was down 5lbs. She was similar to me in body; shorter and stocky and probably in her late 20’s, most likely like me has battled this her entire life. He said that was awesome but also asked her if she had made an appointment to get tested. She said yeah and would see him at their next workout. When she walked away, he turned and said I feel bad for her and I don’t know what to do. I said why? He said well she can’t lose weight. I laughed and said well she needs to join the club. He said no she’s working her ass off….doing weight watchers, sticking to 1700 cals a day and working out 6 days a week and she’s still not losing. So the test they were talking about was on her thyroid. Anyway…we went on with our workout and I couldn’t get that little conversation out of my head. You know why? First, because I felt bad that I had made that flip comment about joining the club about not being able to lose weight. Second, because I stood there and acted all high and mighty like I am working my ass off like her and not losing weight and I’m not. Oh sure I am working out maybe twice a week, but my food is still not in line and until those two things really line up I am basically cancelling each other out. It made me really think about what I wasn’t doing and it made me angry….at myself. I am so tired of talking about this…and not walking it. About thinking about “when I lose”….I am tired of the in between. So basically at this point I have two options. Either I kick this train in the ass or I just stop the insanity.
So what do I choose???…since that conversation I have been doing a lot of thinking. Of where I am and where I want to be. I know deep down some of the things that block me and I just need to get over it…..


One thought on “:decisions-p1:

  1. Joni Ruhs says:

    Do not give up the fight. You are an amazing person and you can take one step at a time. Seeing a personal trainer is a BIG DEAL. Yes, you can make the decisions you need to ramp up your program or maintain but do not adopt an “all or nothing” strategy. Make one choice at a time. If it turns out you chose poorly, choose better next meal or snack or day. I have absolutely no expertise in any of this–just my opinion as a 46 yr old in similar straits. I found progress in accepting my steps as I take them and building on them no matter how “small”. It’s ok to be in the in between. OK, it sucks sometimes but just keep moving anyway. You are surrounded by many who love you–as is.

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