:with this ring:

I write this with risk of ruffling feathers…but hey that has never stopped me before so here I go.

This is a topic that is how shall I say close to my heart? That actually sounds kind of weird because usually that means it is something that you care about a lot. Maybe I should describe it as something that just down right pisses me off and has mystified me at the same time. Yeah…I think that about covers it. So what is this that I am talking about? Cheating. Oh you got really uncomfortable right about now didn’t ya?
If you don’t know my story I will sum it up like this….after 7 years of marriage my (ex) husband cheated on me. It was the most horrifying experience in my life and for a long while I felt like I was living in some kind of messed up TV Drama series. That’s not really what I want to talk about though….in getting back into this dating world it has amazed (and completely saddened me) how frequently people cheat on each other. I have met many men who have had it done to them and even some who have been so bold to have wanted to cheat on someone with me. Kinda makes me laugh when I finally get the “real” story out of them and then I blast them back with my own story of being cheated on. The sad fact is that they won’t learn anything they will just move on to someone who won’t care and will allow them to cheat. I don’t just lump men into this category either because I have known a couple of women who have been the cheaters. The other day Twitter had a trending topic that was #CheatingIsOkIf ….really? Are there really times when it is ok?
You want to know what really bothers me though? The married couples that are actually doing things that could really be considered cheating but they think its harmless. I’ll never forget when I lived in Arizona I had a very good friend who told me her and her husband had a pact that neither of them was to drive in the car alone with someone of the opposite sex. At first, I thought wow that is totally ridiculous…but after learning about temptation between a man and a woman you realize it’s really not. Or let’s talk about wedding rings….this was always a hot topic between my ex and myself. Why? Because he would often “forget” to wear his. I would get so angry…because you know what that is an outward symbol to people that you are with someone else. And please don’t give me the crap about I don’t like jewelery, I gained/lost weight so it doesn’t fit, my job function will ruin it…you know what…figure it out. That ring on your finger is telling the world and frankly telling yourself that you are bound to someone else. Do you know what it feels like when your spouse doesn’t want to show that to people? Oh and ladies….taking your ring off to go out with the girls is WRONG…I don’t care how you look at it. Let’s also talk about going out with the girls, I realize that for some getting a night away for some girl bonding time is a much needed break…but that time away doesn’t mean that you get to openly flirt or even cross a line. You are still married and part of that relationship….it doesn’t end for the few hours that you are out. I know this applies to the guys as well but to be honest I see this issue with the ladies more.
So why do I write about this? Maybe because being a part of the dating game it actually gets thrown in your face more than you want. Yes, there are dating profiles out there with their status as Married & Available. Maybe it is because I am tired of married people taking advantage of the institution that used to be so sacred and that I long to be part of again. Maybe I am scared that it will happen to me again. Whatever it is…I just think we need to have our eyes open to it more. Especially to my married friends…protect your marriages with everything you have.

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2 thoughts on “:with this ring:

  1. Braxton Hicks says:

    Well. Intense topic. I think it really boils down to the fact that there are two types of people in the world. Those who can (remain faithful) and those who can’t. There are lots of people who think they can, but for one reason or another, they can’t. The basic reasons are: 1. Don’t want to. These people don’t even bother to learn your name. They flirt with any moving human who fits into their set of criteria. (Like: breathing, female, male, redhead, blonde, tall, muscles, boobs, etc.)
    2. Those who meet someone they want to be with (as long as things are easy) and they don’t want you to be with anyone else so they make a monogamous commitment. But they lack the will and self-discipline to keep safeguards in place. Those in they’re physical life, like the no riding alone with the opposite sex, and more importantly the mental/emotional/spiritual boundaries. Like: no long phone calls with non-family member women/men, and no thinking of other people in inappropriate ways. No spending intense time, like prayer, with someone not your spouse. These people often think and wish to be monogamists, and often fool you and themselves for a while.
    3. And those who do what it takes to remain faithful. No matter how inconvenient it is in the moment. These are the couples with all sorts of “rules”. My sister in law won’t even have a repair man in the home if no one else is around. (And kids don’t count as chaperones.)

    So here’s the question, the real question. What is fidelity worth to you? And does your partner feel the same way? (And what is to be done when you find out you don’t see eye to eye.)

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