:already:

 

it has been two months since I have posted….good grief! Where in the heck does the time go? It hasn’t been for lack of things to say that is for sure. I mean for those of you that know me you know that I always have things to say!!! Just a lot going on….work, church, mom moving & retiring and crazily enough the holidays are now upon us!
While growing up holidays weren’t necessarily bad…but they were interesting. I was from a split home which meant two sets of families to visit and usually always on the run. I hated it. I longed for being at home…for the time when on Christmas morning when I could actually enjoy the presents I had received. When I became and adult got my own home I started making that more of a reality. Luckily the person I was with and eventually married to had come from a similar situation growing up and knew how I felt. So it was a rule that we went nowhere on Christmas Day. If felt good to start some traditions and have some normalcy to the holiday season.
About 5 years ago, that normalcy came to a halt in the form a divorce…smack dab in the middle of the holiday season. It was definitely not what you call normal. At the time I was working at Starbucks and dealt with it by working a ton of hours and praying for the calendar to turn to December 26th. I even worked on Christmas Day for the escape.
So the holidays since have been….well…weird. That is my weird for them. I am an adult and can make my own choices of how I spend them so while I do have control over that part I feel like I am in a bubble. That is the best way I can describe it. While I have started to make a few traditions with family & friends I still feel a big hole. I used to be a huge decorator at home…and also have a Christmas village that I had started collecting. In the past few years I haven’t been excited to decorate and haven’t broken out the village at all.
I know in my heart and mind this needs to change…I need to break out of the funk and just start doing it for me and figuring out what I want to do with the holidays. I am trying…baby steps?

 

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