:lonely train:

this could potentially be a whiny post….it’s definitely something I have talked about before but sometimes the feelings are just so heavy I have to get them out. Here it is again Saturday night, for some reason these seem to be the toughest nights for me. Maybe because on Friday nights I am winding down from the week and really just want to go home and sleep. Saturdays I am more rested, have usually accomplished some tasks and have done church. Then it hits me like ton of bricks. Generally on the way home. Overwhelming loneliness. Yes of course I just had great conversation with people at church, have most likely been texting my BFF or Mom throughout the day….but it’s knowing that now I am going home to an empty house that kills me. Yes, sometimes I postpone by stopping for some food or a stroll through Target but I always know what I am doing.
I don’t have a very wide circle of friends and about 98% of them are married with families. It’s hard because you are on different paths in life. Sometimes it is hard not to feel shut out by them and it is by no means intentional on their part, it just is what it is. They have a family and when they have time together then that is who they should be spending it with. I totally get it. Unfortunately, when you are in that pit of icky feelings that doesn’t always make it better.
My therapist and I have been working on getting me to do things on my own. My first feat was going to a movie which turned out to be fine. So yes…I could go to a movie, or go hang out at Starbucks….but people it still means that I am at these places alone! I’m trying to be patient…trying to trust….learn more about me….but man sometimes the lonely train sucks!
whiny post over….

 

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3 thoughts on “:lonely train:

    • actually I have looked at meetup….there are some that seem ok….and some that are just ridiculous…nothing much going on this weekend though đŸ˜¦

  1. Dave says:

    3chritian bands tomorrow at the corn boil in sugar grove with a carnival to go too. Watched fireworks there tonight, they were good, it may see, lame but took chairs there and plopped our heinnies down in the middle of the paved lot and watched them there. I am not social so it was fine with me and my daughter, Pam and Doug and their son Alan. We rode one whizzer ride at $4 each and we were done. But still, the room I am in is empty and I feel quite alone myself. I try to remember that there isn’t really any real love in this world and probably won’t be any until Christ returns because I was just as alone the 20 years I was married. Have to face it one day at a time and hold onto the hope of eternity with god who is love. Until then. Of course though. Have also seen people in the church who have gone through a divorce find some one from within the church. Who knows what god has in store for us. Hope I helped some,.

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