I feel stuck. Like when it is winter here in the midwest and the snow is heavy and wet. Sometimes while driving you get stuck and your tires can spin. I feel like that is what I am doing right now, I am spinning my tires. I have made good strides this year but I also feel like I have taken two steps back. I hate that feeling. Right now I kind of feel like I am walking around in a bubble. I go to work and deal with drama there. Sometimes it emotionally zaps me. I generally then come home and read some meaningless fiction book or catch up on a recorded show. Books are an oasis for me, they have been since as far back as I can remember. I can lose myself in the story and all the stress and worries slip away. For the time that I am reading or even watching that TV show my struggles don’t exist. If only it could be that way all the time.
My therapist had given me a task a couple of weeks ago, it was to go out more. To be out in the world…didn’t have to be on a date, it was just fine if it were me. Since that homework assignment I seemed to have retreated into hermit mode. Oh sure…I can make excuses like I am tired or don’t have the money to go out…but I know that those are just that, excuses. I honestly don’t even really know what the deal is…why I can’t seem to find my traction. There are so many other people out there right now going through harder things than I am. It makes me feel guilty sometimes the things that I whine about.
This is a very incomplete thought post tonight…for that I apologize but I also felt it was something I needed to release and get out. Hoping that this first step in knowing I am stuck would help me to find some footing. I have an idea that I am working on for getting unstuck…I’ll share later this week.