oh boy….big word huh? A word that makes you cringe doesn’t it? It’s true no one likes conflict or confrontation….but I believe that if you do it correctly and at the right time it is necessary. Most think confrontation has a negative tone to it…ok so choose whatever word you like, a conversation between two people, a pow-wow, the airing of grievances (did u Seinfeld fans catch that?) It doesn’t have to be this knock down drag-out fight.
Last week, Pastor Scott talked about this in his sermon and it was fabulous. I was glued to the talk, in fact I am including the link below to the podcast if you want to listen. Here’s the thing….when someone does or says something that bothers you, you have two choices. Either you let it go and accept that you have chosen to let it go. Which means you really need to let it go. The other choice is to say something. If you continue to let it go and they continue to do it, then you probably need to say something. The sermon highlighted a verse in the Bible that tells us we should go and work out this conflict.
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.” Matthew 18:15 ESV
1) If you have an issue with someone, go to them! Don’t text or Facebook or email. I would also add, don’t do it after you have reacted bad to something. Take a breath, let a small amount of time go by (even an hour). Then get physically in front of them if possible, if not then a phone call will work. Do it privately though…it doesn’t need to be a group event unless a group was involved.
2) Then show (tell) them what is bothering you. Do it with sensitivity and love. Most likely the person you are confronting is someone close to you, that you love and care for otherwise you probably wouldn’t be wasting your time.
3) Speak with clarity and don’t sugar-coat it. My mom always taught me when having these conversation to start sentences with “I feel” instead of the more accusatory “you did this or you said this” By saying “I Feel” you don’t put them on the instant defensive and then your conversation will be more productive.
4) and the most important thing I took away from his sermon…..the last 10% of your talk is always going to be the toughest. It is the “meat” of the issue. So we have the finish strong….don’t wuss out on the last 10% because it is the most important. It is the “take-away” This is where you drive your point home (still with sensitivity)….
This was a big sermon for me….because it was something to remind myself and learn for other avenues of my life when there are people that need this type of care when it comes to confrontation. You really should listen to this too, January 21 & 22 weekend….here is the link http://theorchard.wordpress.com/