I have said before that for me music is therapy. Music has a way of helping us remember memories whether good or bad. Sometimes a song comes along that fits what the feelings going on inside of you are all about. So I heard a song and there are two lines that just ring so true for me right now. From Christina Perri’s song “The Lonely”
I’m a ghost of a girl that I want to be most.
I’m the shell of a girl that I used to know well.
Those words vibrated through me…and sunk in. I’m a ghost of a girl that I want to be most….for me this means that there are some attributes that I can see, that I want to be…though hazy or ghost-like. They are there….they are longing to be clearer but just not quite. I have them hidden, deep inside and I am fighting to make them more known.
I’m the shell of a girl that I used to know well….this line probably resonated the most. It is a very strange feeling when your life gets turned upside down. When everything you knew to be true becomes lies. You lose yourself, the person that was there has to learn how to steer through this now mucky life. So there is a shell of the person you knew well….but really the insides are almost gone. You have cried them out, yelled until you have no voice, begged and pleaded.
This song in general is about being lonely and finding a new place. This is where I find myself right now. Now, you might ask Hey Tracy, you’ve been divorced for 3 years why are you just going through this now? Well, I don’t know that I really have the exact answer except that when things like that happen you tend to close-up and protect yourself. I didn’t want to deal right away and I threw up the “hey I’m ok persona” So now that the dust has settled and my everyday world seems to have settled…..the feelings are re-surfacing in a big way. I feel loneliness….and yes I have great friends and families….but there is a void and loneliness that they just can’t fill. I know that I will work out of the lonely…and instead of being that ghost of a girl I want to be most, I will be strong and courageous in my own skin.
Here is the link of the whole song….have to say I am really digging Christina Perri right now.
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