Oh how I wish I could be talking about the latest fabric pattern that I saw for a couch cover, or a cool pattern for a scarf that I want to knit…those patterns would be fun to talk about. Sorry folks, not that easy on this here blog. Been thinking a lot about emotional & behavioral patterns that we put ourselves through…the rollercoaster if you will. I have talked about this in some older posts but it is coming up more and more in my brain.
Do you have patterns you follow? Let’s talk about one of mine…being healthier. This pattern of mine is both emotional and behavioral and has been going on most of my life. Back in January I posted about my health and where I stood, the things I wanted to change. I made some goals and in true Tracy fashion went into it guns blazing. The problem with that is that when I do that I don’t really plan. I mean sure….I make lists and buy things that can help me. Renew the gym membership and spend way to much money on personal training…..but what I don’t do is really plan for the long-haul. So then when or if I have a set-back I take it as failure and quit.
A few weeks ago Pastor Scott talked about patterns and something he said stuck with me “Being healthy is learning to break the negative patterns and overtake the fear” Let that settle for a minute. See the thing is, breaking a pattern might actually bring positive in your life…and that might scare the crap out of you. Deep down I feel my fear is really not in the failure but in my success…..oh let me say that again…..I feel my fear of this pattern is not in the failure but that I would actually succeed. That I am worth enough for that success….to be healthy and feeling great about myself. whew….that is a big a-ha I have had….See for me….if I get healthy and lose weight…what will I hide behind? I will be out there for everyone to “see”..and no I don’t mean I will go parading around a svelte naked body. What some people don’t understand about being overweight is that it is not always about the food or lack of exercise…or laziness. Behind this weight..lies emotional scars. So take that away and those start coming out….and have to be dealt with. That scares the crap out of me….but it’s ok…I have a better plan for this pattern.
About two months ago I pretty much halted everything….going to the gym and training and stressing about what I was eating. Part of it was time the other part was I felt that pattern starting to loop around again….right back to failure. I knew that this time I didn’t want that. So I stopped the ride and took control. That is really when I started working hardcore with therapy and writing again…this time I need to work on some of those emotional scars before they are uncovered so that I am not so afraid. I need to overtake the fear, and break this vicious pattern!


2 thoughts on “:patterns:

  1. I think that is a great approach. I have found that tackling one major thing can often lead you into a much healthier place. And in this case, dealing with the scars will help you take the steps needed to get healthier. Keep up the great work. Love your honest posts.

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