:one year:

it is amazing to me how one year can go by and things can change so much. A year ago at this time, literally on this day, I was on a plane making my way to Missouri to where my grandparents live. Grandma had not been doing well and Mom had been down there for a couple of weeks. We were unsure of what to do that week, they hadn’t given her long and they moved her into hospice care. Mom was thinking about coming home for the weekend and I would drive back with her so I could say goodbye. My gut kept telling me to keep Mom there and fly down. I just felt that Mom needed to stay, and I put my foot down and made a last-minute reservation. I flew in really late and we still had an hour drive back to the town where they lived, we debated on whether or not we should stop in at the nursing home but it was so late and we were exhausted. We got the call at 5:30am, Gram had passed in her sleep which was a blessing. I was sad and somewhat angry that I didn’t get to say goodbye but Mom told me that I probably was better off for not seeing her that way.

I hadn’t seen Grandma for 3 years…I feel ashamed and angry at myself for not making it back sooner. To be honest, the last time I saw her she was having a bad spell and didn’t know who I was. It scared me and I wasn’t sure how to act. My mom went back several times a year, granted it was very difficult for us to go together because of working together, I should’ve have gone if even on my own. It makes me think a lot now about how we need to make time to do those things. To talk to the people that are dear to us, to go and see them, write a letter, send a card. We take time for granted…rushing from task to task…and I am the guiltiest of all.

I miss Gram…even though really she hadn’t been herself in the last 5 years or so, I will always cherish the memories. We have a picture of her as a young girl in our living room and I talk to her often. I know she is in a beautiful place surrounded by animals and children, both whom she loved.

Do me a favor?….be thankful and grateful for those around you. Tell them that more often…and make that special trip if you need to. Don’t look back and regret a time when a memory could’ve been happening.

Love you gram.


One thought on “:one year:

  1. This regret is my biggest fear! My grandparents live in Muncie in a nursing-home type place, and I visit when I can….which is once or twice a year. I am SO bad about sending cards, and I never call. I need to do better.

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