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:silence:

I have talked before about how I know there are times where God expresses his thoughts or feelings through different avenues…might be something you read, a song being heard, or a message at church. Many many times I have left church thinking to myself “ok God..I get it, I hear you” Well last night at church I felt a double whammy….not only had I had a therapist appointment that morning but I went to church and I am pretty sure that my therapist, Scott Hodge (my pastor) and God were teaming up on me. Not in a bad way of course…but geez…all the thoughts were colliding.

Let’s back up a little bit and talk about silence.

Did you like that long pause I gave you? That was supposed to be my silence in your head….do you find it hard to be silent? Do you always have to have something on in the background even if it just for “noise” I know that I have struggled for the past several years with sleep, and the one thing that seems to help is having the TV on…a total and complete bad habit and actually I am trying to break it. See being quiet forces us to listen. Sometimes it is the voices in our head (we all have them just admit it) sometimes it is God talking to us, sometimes it really is just true silence. So what do you do with silence? Does it scare you? Or….do you actually bring on the silence in the form of meditation?

What I have been learning lately is that my silence is filled with a bunch of crap. It really isn’t even silence…it is some bad “tapes” of thoughts that people have said, or what I think they have thought, untruths. Something Scott said resonated with me “What God feels about us is generally not what others feel about us…they don’t match up” So who should we listen to….well that is for you to choose, but I choose God. He went on to say and this one hit me square in the middle of the eyes “when we have negative emotions, they lie to us…and in these times we made decisions that usually are wrong.”  Re-read that last sentence..please…

How many times have I made decisions based on raw emotion….too many times to count I am afraid. Think back on things you have done that have been as a result of anger…or sadness…or desperation. Why do we allow this to happen? Because bottom line is that we are afraid to “get silent” and listen to the inner voice…to God’s voice. Those people who are all over the place (the roller coaster as I am calling it) are unstable, their identity fluctuates up and down. My identity has done the same thing in the past several years….I still am trying to find out who I AM. I am unstable in that I haven’t settled into my own self…my own solid feeling of self-worth. I need to get comfortable with me.

So get silent…listen….reflect….learn….respond….it’s ok to be just you in those silent moments. To turn off the “tapes” and listen to what God has probably been trying to tell you all along.

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