oh the wonderful world of dating…where do I begin? lol.
I guess I will start with some background, most of you know that I am now about 3 years out of a divorce. Which that in itself seems crazy that it has been that long. For the first year or so I wasn’t ready at all. I was learning how to live on my own and in the midst of moving back to Chicago from Arizona. So I really just wasn’t into dating. Fast forward about a year or so and I was starting to feel that twinge of wanting to meet someone new. So then begins the rollercoaster…
I had not “dated” since I was 19 and even then I wasn’t even a big dater. I met my then husband and that was it. So it was strange to meet people but also fun in the same light. The only problem….dating had really changed!! It seems to be so disposable. Meet someone, talk, go out…if it didn’t go well move onto the next. While I’m not saying this is a bad way of doing it, it was the way people would move onto the next. All the sudden, phone calls would be fewer, texts not responded to, etc. No respect for another human being. I talk a lot about this in this post.
I dated a lot of different people…in terms of age, married before, kids, types of jobs, etc. I tried some dating websites and met a couple of people through friends. In that there was probably only two or three that were also spiritual or part of a church family. Out of those there was probably only one who really wanted to make it part of a dating relationship. Talk about a challenge…where was the guy that God had in store for me? Why couldn’t I find him?
In the midst of this I fought with self-worth issues and remembering that I was worth more than what I was bringing into my life. I was also trying to figure out how I could date in this crazy weird new dating world and stay true to my faith and morals. That honestly was the biggest challenge, temptation was everywhere, the lines of good and bad were fuzzy…even though they really should have been very clear.
Fast forward to now, still fighting all those feelings I decided about 5 months ago that I was just going to chill. That I was fighting it too hard and I needed to really just let it happen naturally. For someone like me though, that was a tough thought to accept. I am not the most patient person in the world. There are parts of my life I love…I have a job, an awesome circle of family and friends and I know how to laugh at myself. This part though, the waiting, wondering, trying to let it go…I do not like. The only thing that is helping me lately is that I am pretty crazy busy with work and church and it is keeping my mind pretty occupied. So about a week ago I decided to let it all go….I deleted all my dating website profiles. I wasn’t really getting anywhere on them so I decided it was just time to let it go.
I feel something working in me…through some things I have heard from certain very trusted people and to just listening to my heart. I want something more…I am worth something more. Don’t get me wrong I still have the moments of wanting someone by my side. But lately…I just don’t want someone…I want “the one” I’m not willing to sacrifice myself and my heart for just anything anymore.