So as I said in my last post…the stress of the last 6-8 weeks was high…anxiety even high….my attitude STUNK!! It was running over in many areas of my life…work, home, friends…and dare I say even at church. Oh yes peeps…I’m not ashamed to admit it. So what happened? Where did I go with that? Well let me tell you about my meltdown…
About a week or so ago on a Monday I woke-up…woohoo praise God yes I woke up (I hope you are laughing at that) When I woke-up I had a mild head-ache and felt really stiff and achy. To be honest…not a surprise for me as my body seems to really dislike Mondays. I headed to work…we had two new people starting that day and our weekly monday morning sales meeting. When new people start there are things to get organized…their desk, computers, etc. Business cards to order, forms to be printed. So I was busy…then the meeting adds tasks to do. By this time we are already at lunchtime and our IT person had come in to make sure their computers are working right. He is a new guy we are working with and him and I get along really well. BUT…I was already stressed and then someone tells me…hey this one printer isn’t working. Fabulous…another thing to worry about. By the way have I mentioned I haven’t eaten lunch yet…which means my blood sugar is low which makes me CRABBY!! And then another issue…and another…in the end I ended up yelling not only at a co-worker but also at the IT guy and stepping on his toes by doing something I shouldn’t have. He got upset….rightly so. I instantly felt terrible…knowing that I had done wrong. I had reached my melt-down stage…I went and found the IT guy, took him into our meeting room and started to apologize…and cry. Although, I tried very hard to make it a sobbing breakdown. Now I don’t know this person that well…although our personalities are somewhat similar. He instantly just said…Trace…you need to relax. You can’t take all this on. Let other people help you…boy he had me figured out. We worked things out and moved on trying to figure out some of the issues happening.
I left work still on the verge of tears and called my BFF to vent some more…she’s so good for that, just listening. That helped a little more. I was heading for my chiropractor to help with the back and neck pain because at this point it was horrible. He worked on it and heading home it was better. I was exhausted…emotionally and physically when I got home and I basically just did a few things and went to bed. Not totally feeling at peace with what had happened. The next day I got up feeling ok and headed to work to do my thing. I tried very hard to be calm and work with some of the challenging personalities at work…but again I failed and had some harsh words and attitudes toward a co-worker. At the time I really didn’t even notice…can you believe? I have been so much in that cycle that I didn’t even notice how crappy my attitude was.
The lightbulb really didn’t ding until much later that night when I received an email from my new boss. She wasn’t “yelling” but at the same time it was an email that you really don’t want to get from your boss. She had witnessed some of my harshness towards a co-worker. And this email was the one where you have done wrong…don’t do it again. But wait….in that same email was some words of advice and encouragement….to learn and grow…to move on from the mistake. And my favorite line “No one wants to be who we have been but what we will become” Wow….that made me think…A LOT.
The next couple days brought it home….what I had known in my heart for a long time, but my meltdown had brought it right to my face. This stress….the anxiety….it was NOT about the other people, it wasn’t about what was going wrong or if they had done something wrong…it was ALL about ME and how I reacted to it! Yikes…that is some heavy stuff to realize about your OWN self.
So what now?? Change…things need to change…balance needs to happen. I need to stop…when I am in that moment where I am going to lash out, I need to stop and think about my reaction, my words, my body language! I am a big one for body language…my facial expressions and eyes give me away., especially when I am angry or disappointed. I have heard many many times in all aspects of life that when you are upset and feel the “eruption” coming on you need to STOP and count…to ten…to five…whatever number is going to bring you down and clear your mind.
I went to see an awesome awesome speaker last night. He was exactly what this brain and heart needed after a week of having these things brought right up to the surface. So first..you need to check out Sam Glenn He was funny…spiritual…and an awesome artist. Here is what he feels…when our attitude stinks….
Listen Up: Listen to what you are saying, what others are saying…clear your mind.
Lighten Up: Laugh! I do love laughing but don’t always do it when I am stressed and anxious.
Look Up: PRAY!!! give it to God…release it….let Him take care of it….He is a lot stronger than I am!